I want to dance!

Well, kind of. I want to do something exciting and challenging and rewarding and enjoyable if I am to return to the workforce.  Don’t get me wrong – being a stay at home parent is all of those things, but if I have to be away from the kids I don’t want to hate what I’m doing. That is the challenge. Well, that and making enough to justify two in daycare if I go back sooner than later.

In my ideal world I would write. I’m just not sure what yet. Articles? Novels? I don’t know? I often daydream up novel ideas – but know I don’t have the time or motivation to really do anything in regards to that kind of commitment.

Committing to anything these days is difficult. I can’t even commit to the challenge of reading  52 books this year. I haven’t picked up my book in 59 days (thanks for the reminder Good Reads). I’m reading magazine after magazine because they are so easy to pick up and put down.

Currently on my side table are Chatelaine (old favorite), People (love the crossword &  keeps me up to date on all things I have no time for), Style at home (you know so I can dream of future decorating when the kids are done wrecking all the things), Vogue (September style bible – only issue I buy), and Real Simple (my new favorite magazine that I read word for word).

Of course being the insanely organized person I am I fold corners of things I want to remember in the future, then after I’ve read them all I rip out those pages, then I find the info online and add it to one of my Pinterest boards.

Ok, so being a stay at home parent has indeed fed the organizational monster inside me. This house is run like a business. I pride myself on being efficient and getting places on time with both kids in tow without forgetting something. Social events are planned in advance, outings with the kids are daily to wear them out, and I try to squeeze in time for myself after they go to bed. Hence, blogging at 11pm.

Do I hate that I don’t bring in an income other than selling things we no longer have use for? Yes. Do I miss adult conversation? Yes. Would I trade these moments with these kids to be sitting at a desk with no natural light – no.

So while returning to work is on the horizon (G goes to school in a year and A will need to go to preschool as she’ll be beyond lonely without him), I need to come up with a plan. I feel like it is kind of a mid life crisis. I don’t want to go back doing what I did for 8 years. I wasn’t enjoying it. But then again, how many people out there can really say they love what they do?

So I hope to be here more often, filling you with tidbits about the crisis, but also enjoying every moment I can with the kids before work and/or school take away from our time together.