Post Holiday Funk

Sorry. Crickets again last night. A girl's gotta sleep - actually lay in bed holding my eyelids open watching SNL. 

I feel like everything this holiday is amped up now with kids. Nothing is calm and easy going or really goes exactly as planned. It is all about getting them excited about the BEST holiday ever.

But here's the thing. I hate this. Why? Because the quiet after the holiday is depressing. I myself like to take down all the decorations as fast as humanly possible to return the house to 'normal' - but away goes all the homemade ornaments, and cards from friends & family, and the warm glow in the living room from the twinkle lights at the end of a long day. I love that light.

I understand this is somewhat selfish as many people find themselves depressed just with the holiday approaching. I know far too many people this year who have lost a loved one, or their job, and I'm sure aren't enjoying having to go through the motions. I get that.

I often think about what I would do if I didn't have so many family events that I had to attend. What would I do with a quiet holiday? If I could afford it I think I would travel. If I couldn't, I often like to think I'd host something for others who couldn't get home for the holiday. Something about a group of random people who don't know each other having a meal sounds kind of fun.

If there is one thing I have figured out about myself is that I always need to be looking forward to something. A trip, a social event, a holiday, something. If there is nothing to look forward to I find myself ultimately sad. I thought this would change after having kids and it hasn't. I also feel like if I don't have enough events planned for them I'm failing their childhoods. So I kind of fear the 'after' of the holidays.

Years ago I'd be depressed to think that we were this far into December and I didn't have New Years plans, but becoming a parent has changed that. Just to go out requires finding a babysitter (who doesn't have a social life), a new outfit, drinks, probably a nice meal.... and all of that is wonderful IF the kids didn't wake up at the ass crack of dawn. I'm too old to be out until 2am and dragged out of bed at 7. Also not fun to go out with only one of us drinking while the other stares at their watch wishing for sleep.

So why is it that I'm perfectly ok doing nothing for big social events, but I still need something to look forward to? I can opt out, but still need something to keep me going. I guess G's birthday being January 2nd moves the focus there, but after that......

I've been thinking a lot about New Years resolutions, coming up with plans to make 2016 successful, and coming up with concrete steps to achieve. I think part of that might need to be a map of the year and an event every month or so to always have something, because I don't want to fall into a funk and not be able to crawl out of it until spring.