#36 – Accept Compliments

Imagine this if you will. It’s 1996 you are trying so hard to be ‘cool’, but cool in your own ‘I need to be a unique but still fit in’ kind of way. You’re wearing black and white striped (think skinnier than zebra print) loose pants and a way too expensive for your 14 year old self white guess blouse, oh and Nike sandals. (No I will not post a picture). You are hanging out sitting against the wall of your high school when one of your guy friends walks by, glances, you meet eyes and smile, and just as he’s about to pass he turns back and says “Janine, you look good today”. You say nothing – why? Because you aren’t good at accepting compliments. This was the last thing my friend said to me before he was involved in an accident and passed away. I swore up and down I’d accept compliments from then on in his memory, and with the anniversary of his death just passed I realize I have failed at this miserably.

The thing is – how do you accept compliments when you don’t believe them or feel them yourself? I go through my daily life attempting to avoid judgement, but I am the most critical of myself. I’ve set the bar for ‘success’ for myself both personally and professionally so high that I can never reach it, and without reaching it how can I believe that I’m doing well enough to receive compliments? I have a way of tucking and rolling out of compliments - like:


Them: “You completed a ½ marathon – congrats.”


Me: “Well, it wasn’t a full marathon.”


Them: “You look amazing.”


Me: “I’m still not where I want to be”


Them: “Your house is great”


Me: “We don’t quite have it the way we want it yet”


I can’t quite bring myself to say a simple ‘thank you’. My eyes will hit the floor, and I’ll change the topic but I can’t utter those two words. I could use my one year of psych study to tell you that it stems from being a victim of childhood bullying (but that’s another story for another day).


So with age 29 approaching at warp speeds, and for all the years I’ve been given that my friend didn’t, this is going to come to an end. Who are you really if you aren’t good enough for yourself?


It’s pretty clear with this blog I’m putting it all out there – judge all you want. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point – but I don’t care anymore. Who have I got to impress? Which is exactly how my friend lived his life – I should have taken notes when I was too busy attempting to be ‘cool’.
So:


“Thank you. The ½ marathon kicked my ass but I did it.”


“Thank you. I do look amazing; I love shopping for all new clothes”


“Thank you. I love my house and I bust my ass daily to make it look like this”

 Today all stress seemed to pile. The ugly cry was about to take place all the way home from work when a friend saw this and decided to talk me through it. When I admitted to wanting to spend a day in the dark, alone in my closet, because I was feeling weak – I received a compliment that turned my day around; “You are not weak, if you were weak you wouldn’t be putting up a fight for what you want – you’d be sitting and taking it – you are strong”.


THANK YOU. I needed that.


All thank-you’s will now be in person starting tomorrow. Life is too short to not appreciate what you’ve accomplished.