So I don’t really have any toxic friends to dump. But I do and have had many friendships where I grow frustrated, and I’m thinking it’s time to cut those out completely – and that is my friendships with members of the opposite sex. Now, don’t go all ‘guys and girls can’t just be friends’ on me – they can. I am a strong believer that once you find something about that person that doesn’t make them a match for you they automatically fall into the ‘friend’ category. For example, I don’t smoke and wouldn’t date a smoker – so a guy who smokes is just my friend. Guys are fun - they watch sports, drink beer, and play pool all while wearing blue jeans and a ball cap – as do I. I am more comfortable in a sports bar or a pub than I am in any dance club.
My first great guy friend I went to high school with. We would go to movies, golf, and shop together. I got to know his family really well and when my parents were on vacation and I didn’t want to spend a night alone in the house he’d come and sleep over (on the couch of course). This continued into college where we’d go out for dinner, grocery shop, and go to parties together. We’d go on day trips to auto shows, golf shows, concerts, or Ikea. He would listen and joke and turn bad days into good ones. I ended up introducing him to a co-worker of mine and they hit it off, and I stopped seeing him so much. Now, I never see him at all, and I miss him.
I have a co-worker who has become a good friend. It started one morning with a “my girlfriend and I split up”, and I then started to listen daily as he told me about the break up, the grieving of the break up, and the million dates he was hurdling himself into to get over the break up. It was pure drama and so entertaining. We’d go to the Gap on our lunch when they were having a sale, or to have a cheeseburger when it was ‘one of those days’. He’d suggest great movies, allow me to read his writing, and give me an unbiased male perspective when I wanted it. I’d answer e-mails, texts, and phone calls whenever he’d A – e-mail his ex girlfriend, B- sound like he was going to jump off a bridge, or C- do something disastrous to destroy one of his dates. Then one of the women worked out and I now get ‘you are taking up my time, I need to be playing video games before the girlfriend comes over and takes up all of my time’ - completely changing the dynamics of our relationship. I kinda miss him too.
The next great guy friend works with T. He travels a lot so we always have really great conversations via messenger when he’s alone in a hotel somewhere and wanting company. He tells me his dating stories and wants the female perspective on situations and I give it to him. We go out every Friday night after work for ‘free beef Friday’s at a local sports bar with friends and often end up back at his place playing video games or watching hockey. He calls me his pimp and is forever trying to get me to find him a woman, but you know what - I kind of don’t want to because then I’ll lose him too.
Is this what we as women do? Suck up all of our boyfriends/husbands spare time? I tell you if we do it’s not on purpose. I love it when T wanders off for a few hours – the house is quiet, it stays clean, and I get to watch my TV shows on the big TV. I also have no problem with T having friends that are girls – he has a few, they just don’t live close to us.
I guess I am frustrated with females for ruining my male friendships. I’m starting to believe I’m a rare female who doesn’t suck up all of my husband’s time and is ok with him having female friends. Is there anyone else out there like this? Don't get me wrong I want all of my guy friends to be happy, I just wish I could still be around to see it.
I don’t have any toxic friends, but I do have frustrating male friendships – so I’m going to weed out those.
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