Stock an Emergency Disaster Kit

So, I should be packing an emergency disaster kit of bottled water and canned food etc, you know in case some disaster of epic proportions hits this small Ontario town and I need it to survive. But how much fun would that be? Zero. So I’m bending the rules and instead I’ve decided I should put together an emergency disaster kit for when life hands it to you. You know – just in case. So if there’s ever a situation where I won’t eat, get dressed, or leave my bed (think Carrie Bradshaw after Mr.Big leaves her at the altar) here’s what you need to do:


1. In order to get me to eat anything you are going to need to drive to Scrogies in Sarnia Ontario and pick up their cheese cappelletti. It’s the BEST cappelletti I’ve ever had in all my life and I’ve been a cappelletti connoisseur for years. It’s got a zillion calories, does horrible things for digestive system, your ass and your thighs, but it’s worth every single calorie.

2. To get me to drink you will need to swing by the LCBO and pick up the largest bottle of Crown Royal you can get your hands on. Depending on the severity of handing it to me my life has just done also pick up a straw. If you are concerned for my liver also get Pepsi.

By this point I should be sitting up and able to concentrate on some form of entertainment. If I’m not go back to the LCBO and repeat step 2.

3. Put in season 1, episode 1 of the TV series ‘Felicity’. I LOVED that show. I wanted to be Felicity and have the horrible problem of choosing between super sensitive adorable Noel, or hardcore athletic hot Ben. I wanted her clothes, and her hair, and her apartments. Watching this will bring me back to a time in my youth where the opportunities ahead of me were endless, and therefore, will trick my subconscious into believing that there is hope for me.

4. Bring me the copy of Entertainment Weekly Magazine with Ryan Reynolds on the front of it. Here it is. I need say no more.

I should be able to get out of bed by now, but if not I may just need a little more caffeine…

5. Large Café Mocha from Tim Horton’s PLEASE. If they tell you they don’t have the whip cream to put on the top drive to the next Tim Horton’s – I don’t care how far away it is. Just do it. Café Mocha is not Café Mocha without the sweet taste of whip cream at the beginning and the end of it. Side note: If any of said whip cream ends up on the cover of Entertainment Weekly magazine it is a very good sign of recovery.

6. Put on my ipod and crank the music. Whether I’m happy or sad or anywhere in-between, I am always up for a good one woman dance party. Don’t judge by what’s on my ipod either– that’ll be revealed in my future guilty pleasures blog.

Once I’m done dancing – take me to the beach. There is a never a bad day at the beach.

OR, if you don’t have the energy to partake in pulling my ass back into reality – just don’t feed Banditt. Once he gets hungry enough he’ll drag my ass down to his food bowl himself!