Re-connect with a lost friend

If you look up ‘stubborn’ in the dictionary you will probably find my name. T says I’ve apologized all of zero times in my life (so not true). But it is a rare event that when it does happen T checks the sky for flying pigs and marks the day on the calendar. There isn’t anything that I do that isn’t well thought out, or done purposely to harm anyone, so why apologize for my conscious decisions? Yup, it's that bad.


Mark April 19th on your calendar as the last time I apologized, and I don’t even believe an apology is justified as it was me that was hurt, but I sucked up my stubbornness to attempt to re-connect with someone who at one point knew me better than I knew myself on most days.

I really wasn’t going to get into it in detail, but you know what? It’s my blog. Deal.

We met years ago when I had started a new job. I originally got a cold feeling from her and thought she was a complete bitch. I was completely wrong. I’m actually having a hard time writing this because it’s hard to explain how wonderful she is. Her wit and sense of humour made us survive an office atmosphere that would put most people in therapy.

When I left the company our friendship didn’t end. Every morning I’d either find an e-mail or type an e-mail to her and the e-mails would go back and forth all day. Week nights we’d go for walks, or drink wine, or go to the movies. Weekends we’d hit up the market, or a mall, or even once a play. Yes, I was drunk, and we were only there to check out a potential date. No matter what happened in our lives we were always there for each other. She is the exact opposite of a ‘social butterfly’ and she stood up in my wedding for me. Incredible, I love her for this.

Well due to the craptastic auto industry her job came to an end, and the recession hit, and there were no jobs in her field to be found anywhere. We still e-mailed constantly, I kept an eye out for jobs for her, and helped her in whatever way I could. She started looking for jobs Eight hours from here, and was excited at the possibility of moving while I was trying so hard not to be crushed. What would I do without her? Sprial out of control? Yup.

She started closing people out and sent an e-mail like “if you don’t hear from me this week, don’t send out a search party, I’m fine”. We go from e-mailing constantly daily to nothing for a week? So I respected her wish but still left a package of her favourite things outside her door one night. I didn’t hear from her for days. This hurt. In this time T & I bought our first house.

When we spoke again she seemed better, but was being forced to live with a relative to cut the cost of her rent as her EI was going to run out shortly, and she didn’t want any ties so that she could up and go if she got a job up north. I was trying to think of cheap and/or free things to do so that I could get her out. I mentioned wanting to bring her to see the house and this is what I got:

Don't think I want to see your big, beautiful house when I am being forced to live in a shoe-box sized bedroom. Perspective J9

That hurt. It’s my first house. I do things for friends all the time that I don’t want to, but they are my friends. (I sat through an entire play didn't I?) I can’t tell you the number of times I was the third wheel, or was dragged to a party or wedding etc as a ‘guest’ because a friend didn’t want to go alone. Anyway, I never responded to the e-mail. She sent another e-mail to wish me luck on the move, but my stubbornness stopped me from replying. That was in November - It’s April.

Here is what I sent:

48 hours later – nothing. I’ve checked my e-mail account a million times. I deserve it, and she’s just as stubborn as I am. If nothing comes from it, at least I tried and I don’t regret that. Also, I hope that whatever she is doing she is happy.

So lesson of the day – don’t ever let an amazing person like this leave your life.